I was going to write about how the other day was the worst day of my life, the day i signed away the life of my best friend. How all day i couldn't get out of bed, or eat, or do anything but have fits of crying. How i hyperventilated all the way home from the vets saying "there's no dog in my car. There should be a dog in my car." How i felt like i had the flu. But instead i'm going to write about all the wonderful moments he brought to my life.
After a disheartening day at work, i unlock the apartment door and before the key has even finished it's job, i hear the jingle of his collar tags. The door opens and there is the sweetest fuzzy little face there ever was, grinning up at me with a smile that would say, if it could, 'i love you soooo much and i've been waiting for you all day!' Instantly that terrible day is gone, even if only for a moment, and I kneel down and he snuggles right into me, like he can't get close enough, and I agree. It's such a warming moment.
On a lazy Saturday morning, sitting on the couch catching up on the weeks news, he comes over and looks at me, so hopeful. And I always say, 'ok buddy, why don't i come sit on the floor with you?' And i do, and he comes over and flings himself against me, like the little boy that he is, with no grace, but all love. And i smile, and rub his tummy and lean over and kiss his furry little head, and tell him that i love him. Such a tender moment.
When my BF and i have a fight, and it's not often, but when it happens, it scares me and i feel awful, and i'm sitting on the floor, in the bathroom with the box of tissues. It's never more than a minute before i hear snuffling under the door. Diesel can't get to me through the door, but by God, he's gonna try. And if i don't open that door, i know i'll hear a dramatic 'humph' and the door lock check as he lays hard against it. I open the door though, i always do, because i know that he'll come over to me and get his little wet nose within an inch of my own and look me in the eye and stare. And i stare back and tell him, not with words, how heartbroken i feel, or how sad, and he looks back and seems to say don't you worry about a thing. it'll be ok. it'll all be ok.' And i'll believe him, because he's always right. And he'll move his head to my shoulder and i'll hug him tight, and kiss his head. It's really just a moment, but it saves me.
So now he's left me, though i selfishly hope he's not too far. And i won't have those moments any more. His body betrayed him, and me. I know his little character could not have been happy stuck in that failing shell. I miss those priceless moments that i will keep with me, in my heart. So in his last moments, i stared at him, and he at me, unblinking, and i told him, not to worry about a thing. it'll be ok. it'll all be ok. And i kissed his head, and told him i love him.
11.20.2011
11.14.2011
Twilight rant
I was just perusing photos of the as-it-happens, latest Twilight premiere (hey, i'm still a girl, i like a big fancy several-thousand-dollar gown as much as the next chick). I see flocks of teenagers sure, but more than that, i see grown women brandishing oversized signs portraying an airbrushed-even-in-his-prime twenty something, announcing their never ending love for him, or his character. Or something.
Yep, that's right. Their undying love for a fictional character nearly half their age. No wait. He's actually over 100 years old so he's twice their age. OK but he's in love with a teenager so it's hard to remember that he's actually a senior citizen and not, um a pedophile. I've heard this argument (raise your voice an octave and read this part w/ a nasally twang because that's how i hear it in my head every time i hear it in real life) that the books are an easy read and they're a great escape and the romance is so hot and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I get it. Your Twilight is my Housewives of New Jersey. It's trashy trash we probably shouldn't admit to liking. I guess I find reality TV more realistic than this-yes, sad and ironic. In my world, when i read, i want to read. I want to dig in and think AND be taken away to somewhere more interesting with someone more exciting. When i want to shut down, i watch tv. That's not to say everyone has to behave that way, that's just how i am. I see books and movies as art forms and i just don't feel the same way about tv shows.
Some people might say that my loathing of the success of the Twilight books is jealously. I'm going to have a grown up moment here - those people may be right. I certainly would love to see my own literary piles of sh!t hung in the air for all to see -and have those same people spend their savings on life-sized cardboard cut-outs of my main characters and tattoos of my plot lines. I truly would savor every gratuitous moment. But in this case, i find Stephanie Meyer's fame tastes as sour as Paris Hilton's. What did either of them really do to earn their keep? Stephanie Meyer stole bits of character from great literary works and hacked and mangled and glue sticked them together. Devils advocate: there's nothing new under the sun Snark. OK, while i don't really buy that, i know it's not easy to be original -that's what separates the women from the girls. And the best Meyer could come up with is 'they sparkle when the sun hits'em!' What the f&ck is that? That's just silly y'all.
So she nabbed the entire concept (vampires, forbidden love) from, like, a million other better written novels, so what. Well, she couldn't even create believable vehicles to drive this already familiar plot. She penned boring, vapid characters no one cares anything for (I once heard her main character compared convincingly and with Harvard Debate Club precision and gusto- to a lego brick)-but i hear that's ok because they're teenagers.
People, that's not ok. Teenagers are the farthest thing from dull. Teenagers are lustful and dramatic and believe it or not, insightful. The problem is usually they think too much - and not about the right things. So they do stupid things for what they think is love maybe, and then they learn something, and do something equally stupid but in a different way the next time. They are exciting little sponges. Somehow, Stephanie Meyer made me bored to tears with this girl Bell.
More than that, however, i find this mania extremely disheartening. Why is this no-talent hack making oodles of bank when writers with real talent are forced to self-publish and build slow cult followings over decades before they make it big? What does this say about us? Hilary Thayer Hamann wrote a book about a teenager that I could not get over. Do you need to relive your teenage years as someone more interesting? Her teenage heroine is believable, relatable and totally interesting. Is anyone reading Margaret Atwood anymore? Hold on, you want to have a little somethin' somethin' with a teenager? You need a little John Irving. Oh you want a real romance - try John Galsworthy - his Forsyte Saga is epic. Yes I'm annoyed that Chuck Palahniuk was writing for years before people realized how on the f*cking edge Fight Club was. Why do people only know Tolkien as 'that guy who had something to do with the Lord of the Rings movies'?
So no offense to those of you who enjoyed the Twilight books, i guess, like i said, i think i get it, but i'm sort of embarrassed for the world the way women and young women are acting over these poorly written completely unoriginal badly acted pieces of regurgitated sh*t.
Yep, that's right. Their undying love for a fictional character nearly half their age. No wait. He's actually over 100 years old so he's twice their age. OK but he's in love with a teenager so it's hard to remember that he's actually a senior citizen and not, um a pedophile. I've heard this argument (raise your voice an octave and read this part w/ a nasally twang because that's how i hear it in my head every time i hear it in real life) that the books are an easy read and they're a great escape and the romance is so hot and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I get it. Your Twilight is my Housewives of New Jersey. It's trashy trash we probably shouldn't admit to liking. I guess I find reality TV more realistic than this-yes, sad and ironic. In my world, when i read, i want to read. I want to dig in and think AND be taken away to somewhere more interesting with someone more exciting. When i want to shut down, i watch tv. That's not to say everyone has to behave that way, that's just how i am. I see books and movies as art forms and i just don't feel the same way about tv shows.
Some people might say that my loathing of the success of the Twilight books is jealously. I'm going to have a grown up moment here - those people may be right. I certainly would love to see my own literary piles of sh!t hung in the air for all to see -and have those same people spend their savings on life-sized cardboard cut-outs of my main characters and tattoos of my plot lines. I truly would savor every gratuitous moment. But in this case, i find Stephanie Meyer's fame tastes as sour as Paris Hilton's. What did either of them really do to earn their keep? Stephanie Meyer stole bits of character from great literary works and hacked and mangled and glue sticked them together. Devils advocate: there's nothing new under the sun Snark. OK, while i don't really buy that, i know it's not easy to be original -that's what separates the women from the girls. And the best Meyer could come up with is 'they sparkle when the sun hits'em!' What the f&ck is that? That's just silly y'all.
So she nabbed the entire concept (vampires, forbidden love) from, like, a million other better written novels, so what. Well, she couldn't even create believable vehicles to drive this already familiar plot. She penned boring, vapid characters no one cares anything for (I once heard her main character compared convincingly and with Harvard Debate Club precision and gusto- to a lego brick)-but i hear that's ok because they're teenagers.
People, that's not ok. Teenagers are the farthest thing from dull. Teenagers are lustful and dramatic and believe it or not, insightful. The problem is usually they think too much - and not about the right things. So they do stupid things for what they think is love maybe, and then they learn something, and do something equally stupid but in a different way the next time. They are exciting little sponges. Somehow, Stephanie Meyer made me bored to tears with this girl Bell.
More than that, however, i find this mania extremely disheartening. Why is this no-talent hack making oodles of bank when writers with real talent are forced to self-publish and build slow cult followings over decades before they make it big? What does this say about us? Hilary Thayer Hamann wrote a book about a teenager that I could not get over. Do you need to relive your teenage years as someone more interesting? Her teenage heroine is believable, relatable and totally interesting. Is anyone reading Margaret Atwood anymore? Hold on, you want to have a little somethin' somethin' with a teenager? You need a little John Irving. Oh you want a real romance - try John Galsworthy - his Forsyte Saga is epic. Yes I'm annoyed that Chuck Palahniuk was writing for years before people realized how on the f*cking edge Fight Club was. Why do people only know Tolkien as 'that guy who had something to do with the Lord of the Rings movies'?
So no offense to those of you who enjoyed the Twilight books, i guess, like i said, i think i get it, but i'm sort of embarrassed for the world the way women and young women are acting over these poorly written completely unoriginal badly acted pieces of regurgitated sh*t.
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