safe

i've been trying to suss some things out.

i think i had a real break through today doc.

i liked being with Guy S. i think part of the reason was i felt safe. like he could and would beat the ever lovin' tar out of anyone who spoke to me the wrong way. kinda nice, in a cavemanish way maybe, appeals to the reptilian brain. or maybe just appeals to my damaged self.

but it annoyed me when Guy D told me that i made him feel safe. like it's too much pressure for me to keep a full grown man safe.

give me a break.

Scars

this may sound absurd -especially if you know that i've actually made a bit of money off photographs of my almost scarless bod- but i sometimes wish i had more.

source: i just saw Padma Lakshi (sp?) hosting one of my favorite shows. She has the mother of all scars down her right arm. I'm entrigued. Enthralled. Not only is it a contrast to her otherwise smooth flawlessness, but it speaks of some life event. something so out of the ordinary, that it left its mark, indelibly. there is no substitute for an event like that. a scar cannot be made without sacrifice. Even if you are the cause of your own scar, you did not gain it painlessly.

i know i'm weird, but i really do like them. i have one or two, and i cherish them. J has some and i love them. Scars intrigue me.

Maybe that's why i like tattoos so much.