My best boy

I was going to write about how the other day was the worst day of my life, the day i signed away the life of my best friend.  How all day i couldn't get out of bed, or eat, or do anything but have fits of crying.  How i hyperventilated all the way home from the vets saying "there's no dog in my car.  There should be a dog in my car."  How i felt like i had the flu.  But instead i'm going to write about all the wonderful moments he brought to my life.
After a disheartening day at work, i unlock the apartment door and before the key has even finished it's job, i hear the jingle of his collar tags.  The door opens and there is the sweetest fuzzy little face there ever was, grinning up at me with a smile that would say, if it could, 'i love you soooo much and i've been waiting for you all day!'  Instantly that terrible day is gone, even if only for a moment, and I kneel down and he snuggles right into me, like he can't get close enough, and I agree.  It's such a warming moment.
On a lazy Saturday morning, sitting on the couch catching up on the weeks news, he comes over and looks at me, so hopeful.  And I always say, 'ok buddy, why don't i come sit on the floor with you?'  And i do, and he comes over and flings himself against me, like the little boy that he is, with no grace, but all love.  And i smile, and rub his tummy and lean over and kiss his furry little head, and tell him that i love him.  Such a tender moment.
When my BF and i have a fight, and it's not often, but when it happens, it scares me and i feel awful, and i'm sitting on the floor, in the bathroom with the box of tissues.  It's never more than a minute before i hear snuffling under the door.  Diesel can't get to me through the door, but by God, he's gonna try.  And if i don't open that door, i know i'll hear a dramatic 'humph' and the door lock check as he lays hard against it.  I open the door though, i always do, because i know that he'll come over to me and get his little wet nose within an inch of my own and look me in the eye and stare.  And i stare back and tell him, not with words, how heartbroken i feel, or how sad, and he looks back and seems to say don't you worry about a thing.  it'll be ok.  it'll all be ok.'  And i'll believe him, because he's always right.  And he'll move his head to my shoulder and i'll hug him tight, and kiss his head.  It's really just a moment,  but it saves me.
So now he's left me, though i selfishly hope he's not too far.  And i won't have those moments any more.  His body betrayed him, and me.  I know his little character could not have been happy stuck in that failing shell.  I miss those priceless moments that i will keep with me, in my heart.  So in his last moments, i stared at him, and he at me, unblinking, and i told him, not to worry about a thing. it'll be ok.  it'll all be ok.  And i kissed his head, and told him i love him.