Peppermint Icecream for the Soul

Welcome back.

Here I sit, at 10:45ish, on a Wednesday night, alone. J is mad at me and therefore not talking to me. Again. I'm listening to Guaraldi, Bing and Cole, typing away, and thinking far too much for my own good. It's the usual run of things i suppose.

Let's start with the basics. Here's my christmas list.

I want excitement. I want that 'Oh my dear sweet lord above is he going to kiss me' feeling. I want butterflies and a mouth full of words that won't come out right. I want refinement and the appreciation of real art and good beer.

It's funny that for a while i was ready to give up all that i have for a set of beautiful blue eyes, wonderfully laid artwork and some serious passion. Now i find it tedious. Sigh, the above-mentioned excitement has ruined me for all other imaginary suitors.

I suppose i ask for too much. But this depresses me. Where is that line? That illusive line betwixt the man who does not exist, and the the one who isn't close enough to the man who cannot exist. The waiting for the impossible and the settling for the inevitable?

I only get one go 'round in this bod with this brain, but i ain't getting any younger. And that's not hurry up and do something -that's if you do something wrong, you'll not just be stuck, you'll beold and stuck. In a few short months i'll be significantly older. Words cannot adequately describe how much i dread that day.

Back at square one. How many times have i said i need to do something? What is it that i need to do? Something meaningful? Exciting? Fulfilling? Hedonistic? Anything to relieve this terrible boredom i think will do the trick.

So - shall i apologize? I always say, one should not apologize for anything for which one is not truly sorry. Why must i apologize for working late? I never require such a thing. It's worth apologizing for liking where i work and my cohorts i suppose. I need to apologize for such a thing it seems.

So this entry wasn't exactly the Peppermint stick icecream i'd hoped it'd be, but i feel a teensy bit better. Perhaps it's time to lay down next to the man who yet again won't speak to me, and see if i can sleep this ennui off for another day.